He really does.
We as humans doubt that from time to time -- I do, especially when things are going rotten. Like they are now.
But He speaks.
To wit: I've been on a job hunt for almost a year, now. I am fraught with fear and worry, as my unemployment compensation is set to run out soon (not sure what happens at the end of 52 weeks, but whether it's a sudden dropoff or a temporary extension, the truth is I need to get back to work soon).
And I've prayed for help. And prayed. And prayed. And PRAYED!
That prayer, along with hours and hours of job-hunting fun, has yielded me some pretty dim results: Somewhere near 200 resumes sent out. Perhaps five interviews in 11 months. And not a single job offer.
None.
Zip.
So it's little wonder that I've gotten angry at God. And the other crewmembers "up there" I've been praying to (pleading to, begging from, imploring with all my heart).
Being only human, it's easy to conclude that God isn't listening. He doesn't care. He's busy refereeing fights in Washington between the Left and the Right. Or trying to cure Covid. Both worthy goals, but they don't do much for our disastrous finances at present.
But there have been glimmers along the way.
For instance: I walk a lot with the dog. One of my common routes is a paved pathway through a local park. And for months, now, I've seen little squares of paper scattered on that path, each with a little, handwritten message reading either "Pray to St. Jude" or "Thank you, St. Jude."
St. Jude is on my daily go-to list of Saints tapped for help. He's the Patron Saint of Hopeless Causes. And after 11 months of nary a nibble on the job front, I think I qualify as hopeless. At least part of the time.
This week was particularly bad. I had what I thought was an inside track on a position. I had worked with several of the organization's leaders before. And their predecessors. They knew my work and we had gotten along famously in the past. I felt comfortable enough with one of the chiefs to ask about who in HR to contact 1:1. I submitted my materials to that director and waited. The standard reply eventually came -- they had my stuff and would let me know.
Weeks went by. Then months. But I stayed in contact and kept getting assurances that they were still going to fill the position and that I was still in the running. I remained hopeful.
The HR director even emailed me without emailing her first. She told me that so much time had elapsed that they were reposting the job... but not to worry, I was still in contention, my credentials were automatically being forwarded and that I needed take no action at this time.
Hooray!
Six weeks of silence followed. I finally bit the bullet and emailed my contact.
The reply I got knocked the wind out of me: They were no longer moving ahead with my candidacy for the slot.
It was devastating.
It was cruel; if I weren't the guy, why not tell me that six months ago?!?!?
Why was I led on, only to get not even a phone interview?!?!?!
Are you there, God? It's Me, Dan. Mad as hell.
And then, something truly odd happened.
On Saturday, I was walking the dog on a different route. He and I passed a public bulletin board, and a notice caught my eye.
Not an ordinary ad for a local karaoke night or a yard sale.
It was more like a letter... a long letter.
So I stood and read it.
I won't quote it verbatim, but the gist was this: It was a public recognition of the hand of God from an female immigrant who started to the US with her brother but landed her alone when he lost his courage and returned home. She was praising God in this public, anonymous forum for His care of her when things were very dim (running out of money, struggling with visa applications, living in fear, learning the language etc. etc.).
This direct quote spoke to me loud and clear: "Don't you dare let your situation define you. ... God's grace is working. ... He knows your path."
I was speechless. Dumbstruck. Humbled. Ashamed by my doubt.
I continued my walk, turning these words from a stranger over and over in my head, blinking away tears.
It told me something when I really needed to hear it.
A message from God.
